I'm selling a "vintage" = old "faux" = fancy fake pearl necklace

Have you dreamed about being the center of attention? Talk of the town? Grocery shopping in high heels? This necklace can help you achieve all that and more! She is VINTAGE that means it's basically old but flawless, so flawless in fact that it has attracted over 2/3rds of the male figures from my curio cabinet. The faux (fancy fake) pearls are adorned with lacy fancy fake I mean faux gold filigree. This is the first step to a new you! Slap this beauty on and go get your nails done, get those highlights you've been putting off, heck I bet your husband might even shave in NOVEMBER. Gasp...